Clean Christmas Dad Jokes

Man in a santa suit with his hand making bunny ears behind his head - while taking a selfie
29 Nov 2023

A stack of groan-worthy Christmas Dad jokes for your work Christmas party, family gathering or to use in bon-bons. 

It’s that time of year when dads and lovers of bad jokes everywhere dust off their worst Christmas dad jokes to share with unsuspecting kids and colleagues (or write them in your office Christmas cards when you are stuck for something to say).

In the interests of saving you some time finding your own to share, here’s a few of my favourite Christmas “Dad” jokes.


Christmas Tech Dad Jokes

Why didn’t people like the new Apple Mac themed advent calendars?
They didn’t have any Windows

Someone stole my Secret Santa present. It was a copy of Microsoft Office.
I will find you. You have my Word.

How does Santa’s computer stay virus-free?
He uses “S-antivirus” software!

Why did the computer take up gardening during Christmas?
It wanted to improve its root access!

Why did the computer keep freezing during the Christmas party?
It couldn’t handle the Windows!

What did the computer say to the Christmas tree?
You have too many branches, I need more RAM!

How does Santa troubleshoot problems with his sleigh?
He checks the “Yule-log” files!

How did the website wish you a Merry Christmas?
It sent you a “byte” of holiday cheer!

What’s Santa’s favourite social media platform?

How do we know what Father Christmas has for dinner?
He posts it on InSantagram

How does Santa Claus take a picture?
With a North Pole-roid.

Wrapped christmas gift

General Christmas Dad Jokes

My math teacher said my Christmas present was average.
That’s just mean.

What do you call the wrapping paper leftover from opening presents?
A Christ-MESS

How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey?
On the dark side

How does Darth Vader know what you are getting for Christmas?
He can feel your presents

What’s a dog’s favourite carol?
Bark, the herald angels sing

What’s a mathematician’s favourite Christmas snack?
A mince pi

What’s a hairdressers’s favourite Christmas song?
Oh comb all ye faithful

Whats happens if you eat the Christmas decorations ?
You get tinsel-itus

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Deep pan, crisp and even

How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus weighed 3.34kg when he was born?
They had a weigh in the manger

What did the dog get for Christmas?
A mobile bone

What did the farmer get for Christmas?
A cow-culator

What do you get if you get a bunch of chess players boasting about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer

What hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy

Why is it getting harder to buy Advent Calendars?
Because their days are numbered

What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum. You just can’t beat it

How many letters in the Christmas alphabet?
25, There is no L

What do you give the person who has everything?

Why did the Christmas cookie go to the doctor?
It was feeling crumbly!

Why was the Christmas tree so bad at sewing?
It kept dropping its needles!

Cartoon of a holly sprig

Christmas Santa Dad Jokes

What do you call Santa living at the South Pole?
A lost clause.

How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited?
He keeps a log book.

Who’s Santa’s favourite pop star?

What do elves sing to Santa?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow

Where does Santa work out?
Down the gymney

What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?
A “Holly” Davidson

What do you call a smelly Santa?
Farter Christmas

One time Father Christmas lost his underpants.
That’s how he got the name Saint Knickerless

Where does Santa stay when he’s on holidays in January?
At a Ho-ho-tel

Where does Santa go to learn to slide down a chimney?

Why does Santa wear pink underwear?
He did all his washing in the one load

What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
The elf-abet

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in the chimney?

Why did Santa’s helper see a psychologist?
Because he had low elf esteem

What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas quacker

Who is Santa’s favourite singer?
Elfis Presley

What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
Subordinate clauses

What do the elves call it when Santa claps his hands at the end of a performance?

What did Santa say to Mrs Claus when he saw the thunderstorm?
Looks like rain-deer.

Santa cartoon

Christmas Snowman Dad Jokes

Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
Because he was picking his nose!

What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman!

What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire?

What did one snowman say to the other?
Do you smell carrots?

What do you call a snowman with a sunburn?
A puddle!

Cartoon reindeer 

Christmas Reindeer Dad Jokes

Why are Santa’s deers always wet?
Because they’re reindeers!

Which of Santa’s reindeers has the worst manners?

What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?

What does Rudolph want for Christmas?
A pony sleigh station

Why did no-one bid for Rudolph or Blitzen on eBay?
They were too deer



* Xmas is in my heart 12 months a year – and thanks to credit cards it is on my Mastercard statement 12 months a year also.

* Xmas is the time when people put up so many light bulbs outside you don’t know if they’re celebrating the birth of Jesus or the electricity company.

* There has to be something wrong with Santa. Can you imagine any other bloke doing all that driving and still saying ho ho ho at the end?

* The jumper I got for Christmas kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back and exchanged it for another one. Free of charge!

* I have this weird talent where I can tell what’s inside a wrapped present. It’s a gift.

* I once watched Santa doing stand up comedy. He was sleighing them!


If you would like some great stories behind the modern celebration of Christmas, check out the stories behind Scrooge and Rudolph in our post on How Copywriters Saved Christmas.

About the Author

Ingrid Moyle

Ingrid Moyle is a small business web designer and copywriter. When not hardwired to her computer, she quests for the perfect decaf coffee while chasing virtual reality creatures across the backstreets of Brisbane.
Bowler hat with lightbulb.

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